Once Upon a Time the Musical
by Emmatrix
Summary: The Evil Queen is singing, YES, singing to her magic mirror! Snow White, is causing her distress. The mirror's lyrics tell of a time when Regina will find true love in a person known as the Savior. There is a condition of course; so we ask a question... will the Queen cooperate? And who are the maidens known as Mulan and Aurora?
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to **Once Upon a Time the Musical**, where you'll find plenty of laughs, riffs, drifts, and sonnets. Warning: there is some rhyming involved as there should be. If anyone seems out of character, keep in mind... this is a parody. I respect Disney and do not claim to own its works, I just have fun with them. And as for ABC Studios, well... it would be nice if they could get their act together, hmmmm one writer is Horowitz, I think? But seriously the show is spectacular and I don't claim to own it. In this beginning chapter we will introduce The Evil Queen. Enjoy!

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**Chapter One: Stepdaughter Oh Snap!**

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Once upon a time, in a faraway land... there lived a young princess named Snow White, lips as red as blood and hair as dark as night. She lived within the castle of her wicked stepmother, Regina, also known far and wide as the Evil Queen. For this very stepmother had murdered Snow White's father the former king. Queen Regina had Snow White locked in the tower of her castle, where Snow White's only friends were the birds and animals of the forest... that and another observer who came once everyday, dreaming of the time when he would take Snow White away. Snow White felt strong feelings for this man, a prince who was charming and she awaited true love's kiss. Meanwhile the Evil Queen Regina did her daily rounds, stepped up to the magic mirror, and here was the singing sound:

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall

Who's the fairest of them all?"

The face in the mirror shook his blue head and cleared his throat. "Lips red as blood and hair dark as night, her name oh my queen, is Snow White."

Queen Regina looked as if she were about to retch. "Well, well isn't that a surprise? You've only been spouting her name as the most fair since she turned one and twenty. And lately I've had a prince on my doorstep. Oh how there's been so much joyous cause for celebration!" The queen's sarcasm was so thick one wouldn't have been surprised if it had dripped. Suddenly a regal, manly voice began to sing outside and the familiar lovesick lyrics rang in Regina's ears. She pulled aside the curtain to her throne room and saw none other than Prince Charming staring upwards at the tower and singing like a fool:

"Today  
Now that I've found you  
Hear what I have to say

One song  
I have but one song  
One song  
Only for you

One heart  
Tenderly beating  
Ever entreating  
Constant and true

One love  
That has possessed me  
One love  
Thrilling me through

One song  
My heart keeps singing  
Of one love  
Only for you"

Snow White was perched atop the tower smiling lovingly down towards her prince, his words filling her ears with hope. Regina meanwhile was cursing to herself and filing a misshapen nail. Her eyes were dark with anger, loathing, and impatience. She turned once more to the mirror.

"Mirror mirror, help me to see

What I need to do with this slut called Snow White

So that living forever in happiness I may be"

Regina looked earnestly into the mirror's disembodied face.

Again for the second time the mirror shook its head. This time it even sighed.

"My fair queen, though it a strange thing would seem

You must release Snow White, which is in opposition to your dreams

Hear me out your majesty. I know your anger is caught up in a rage

But believe me Regina, the bird must be let loose from her cage"

The queen spoke through clenched teeth. "How can you even suggest such a thing? I shall tear you off the wall and a different tune you shall sing!"

The magic mirror bit his lower lip and cautiously continued his prophecy. "Oh my fair queen, a life full of happiness and love you shall live, twenty years from now, if Snow White's freedom presently you do give. You too shall find true love. From the one and only Savior of all that is yours and there of."

Queen Regina raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms. "Hmmmmmm... me true love? My true love is dead thanks to Snow White!"

The mirror smiled and dared to coax the queen, "Me thinks you should give it a try. Another is destined to be with you, but you must let past bygones be by."

Regina rolled her eyes. "Me thinks? Bygones be by? Seriously where are you from, Mirror, if not the land of Shakespeare?"

The mirror dared to quip, "I feel my I.Q. riseths 20 points when I speaketh this way."

Regina sighed heavily. "Well I feel like my I.Q. is going to dropeth 20 points if I listen anymore to Prince Charming's pathetic attempt at wooing Snow White. Guards! Bring me the king's daughter!"

The mirror was a little worried at Regina's intentions. Was she going to wisely let Snow White go, or finally give in to her dark heart and destroy the maiden?

Princess Snow White went before the presence of the Queen. "So what is it this time, Regina? You rarely allow me to come before your majesty unless you have some torture devised for me. What shall I do? Try on another horrific gown?" Snow White's chin was raised high and her eyes full of spirit.

Regina chuckled. "No Snow, the bright, yellow dress with blue and red puffed sleeves you are wearing still amuses me. It's so disgustingly cheerful and juvenile like you, darling." With the wave of her hand she summoned her men. "See to it that her highness, Princess Snow White finds her way into the loving arms of her beloved Charming. I'm sure the boy is loitering somewhere in the garden.

A look of utter shock and disbelief came over Snow's face. "You're going to let met g-g-go? Just like THAT?" Her mouth was agape. The Evil Queen placed a finger on Snow White's dropped chin and lifted shut her mouth. "Just stay away from my kingdom... and try not to ruin other people's lives since we both know you're so good at it. Oh snap!"

Snow White furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Oh snap?"

Regina grinned wickedly. "Nothing Snow, just nothing... Off with you now! Shoo shoo!" She waved her royal hand in the air and snapped her fingers. The guards led Snow White to her exit.

"Your majesty." The magic mirror was grinning ear to ear. "I just want to say how truly wise and-"

"Shut it mirror... I have a 20 year brooding period to began. You had better be right about my so called savior or you'll be missing more than your body in that reflection of yours!" Regina turned on her heel to hasten away to her daily apple picking.

The mirror shut himself quickly up as commanded, not wishing to bring any further disturbance to his queen. He took note of the fairytale date and kept count upon count of years as they went by, awaiting the 20 year mark for all the joy that it implied.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own the song "Do It Like a Dude" by Jessie J, or OUAT. Now twenty years have passed and we meet Princess Emma, Princess Aurora and Mulan. There's slight sleeping warrior in this chapter.

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**Chapter Two: Do It Like a Dude**

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Twenty years later...

Emma side stepped the blade that had been aimed at her gut. Mulan instantly backed away as Emma took charge and swung her sword at Mulan's shoulder.

"You girls are scaring me! You know I don't like it even when you pretend to fight! You are acting like a bunch of boys!" Aurora was very fond of her best friends; however she wanted to kill Emma and Mulan sometimes before they nearly killed each other.

Emma smirked as Aurora spoke the word. "BOYS." Anyone who knew Princess Emma Charming and the Chinese heroine known as Mulan would say that these ladies weren't exactly girly. They left that all up to Aurora.

"Aurora, you act like a girl more than enough for the both of us," tomboy Emma teased the princess.

"Yeah Aurora. Why do you think we allow you to hang out with us?" Mulan flashed a heartbreaking grin. Aurora felt her heart skip. Then she gathered her composure and dished it back out. "Well someone's got to keep a close eye on you little boys." She smiled like a true femme.

Emma locked swords with Mulan, then released her weapon. "We're not boys Aurora. Mulan and I are strong women who are capable of standing up for those we care about."

Mulan put her own sword to its place as well. "I feel a song coming on, Emma." Her lovely Asian eyes glowed with adrenaline.

Suddenly out of nowhere, a bunch of squires and some free forty-four fighters gathered round. They begin to stomp their armored feet to an imaginary beat. They clapped their hands making a rhythem for their daunting, heroic princess. Emma grinned sheepishly and raised her hands while bowing. She stomped her feet to the beat. Her eyes looked up at Aurora as she sang...

"Stomp stomp I've arrived  
Drop the beat, nasty face  
Why you lookin' at me?

Dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty sucker  
You think I can't get hood like you, you motherfucker"

Emma smiled brazenly and shot the bird at all in attendance. Princess Aurora gasped. Mulan laughed and quickly joined Emma in song...

"I can do it like a brother  
Do it like a dude  
Grab my crotch, wear my hat low like you..."

Aurora blushed crimson red as Emma and Mulan grabbed their "said crotches." Emma busted a few cool dance moves. The men were chanting, "Go Emma! Go Emma! Go Emma!" She swaggered and did a spin before thrusting her hips in an un-lady like way. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Emma, a certain queen mother was watching on the sidelines with her hands resting on her hips in disapproval.

"Emaline Swan White Charming! Stop that immoral jesting and come here at once!" Immediately the courtyard cleared of the squires and fighters, for they did not wish to get on Queen Snow White's bad side.

Aurora was grateful for the interruption. She curtsied to the queen. "Your majesty."

"Thank you Aurora, at least one of you behaves like a true princess." She smiled at the girl, then frowned. "Emma, where are your manners?!"

Emma rolled her eyes at her mother and put on a cheesy display of a curtsy. Snow White shook her head. "When will you learn, Emma? When will you learn your place? You know we are having the duke and his son eat dinner with the family tonight. Why aren't you in your room with the servants putting on REAL clothing. I don't know why your father allows you to wear these manly, peasant shirts. And you're always sweating! How can you possibly take enough baths to keep you clean?"

"Jesus, thank you Mom... you just squeezed out any ounce of self esteem I had left. Look, I perfectly realize that I'm the failure of your life. I'm not prissy, I'm not graceful, I'm not feminine; Frankly I don't think I'm meant to be a dolled up princess married off to someone she doesn't love. I'm ME mom. I'm not going to eat with the duke's son tonight; I've got plans."

Snow White's eyes widened. "Plans?! What plans?"

Emma smirked. "Funny thing actually. Rumplestilskin showed up in the stables yesterday and made a deal with me. He said if I gave him a lock of my hair he would tell me where to find my one true love. So Mom, I'm sorry but destiny awaits!"

Snow white tried to keep cool. "You know to NEVER make deals with Rumplestilskin, Emma." She sighed heavily. "Okay... Despite the fact that you have a lot of maturing to do, you are still my grown daughter. And you know honey, I want you to find love the way your father and I did. Go and carry out your plans, but please be cautious."

Emma knew how hard this was for her mother. She started to tear up and quickly hugged Snow. "Thank you for understanding, Mom."

Snow hugged her back. "I know I am an obsessive royal, but just remember honey even though I get out of line sometimes I love YOU for who you are. I want you to be you always."

Emma again smiled and turned to look at her best friends Aurora and Mulan. "Ready to party ladies?"

Snow White butted in, "Exactly where are all of you going?"

"The Enchanted Forest of course," replied Emma. Snow's blood suddenly ran cold. The Enchanted Forest? That was the realm of her stepmother, the Evil Queen. Of course surprisingly in the past Regina had let Snow go and then all of Snow's dreams came true. While she still didn't trust Regina, she couldn't help but forgive her for all that she had done. Snow White was good and believed in forgiveness. She had told Emma stories of the Evil Queen and how even though it had been 20 years since they saw or heard from her, Emma must still keep cautious when on horseback in the woods. Snow White decided her daughter had had enough chiding and the fact that Emma would have company with her on the trip would make her journey all the more safe.

The queen watched as the three maidens prepared to mount their horses. Princess Aurora always required assistance when getting atop of Samson. Samson was her boyfriend, Prince Philip's horse. Mulan didn't mind assisting her. She petted Samson as he whinnied. Aurora smiled. "Someone's in a good mood today." Mulan raised an eyebrow. "Me or the horse, your highness?" Aurora's blue eye's glistened with playfulness. "Both of you. You and Samson, Mulan."

Mulan caught her breath. She and Aurora had been best friends for as long as she could remember. At first it was friendship as children but as they grew older the friendship turned to love for Mulan. Mulan felt like Aurora also had feelings for her in return. They were constantly flirting with one another. They were always together. They were inseparable. But Mulan did not dare make a serious move on Princess Aurora. The princess had been betrothed since her birth to Prince Phillip. So instead she made her own personal vow to protect and be there always for the woman she loved.

"Mushu, are you okay babe?" A look of concern was on Aurora's features as she looked down at Mulan. Mulan came out of her daze.

"Yeah Sleeping Beauty, I'm fine." Mulan mounted her black steed. Emma straddled over her white stallion. The horses hoofed the ground excitedly and anxiously. Emma was in front of Aurora and then Mulan was rear. Mulan always insisted on riding horseback behind Aurora so she could give the princess her full attention and keep her safe from any dangers.

"Good Bixby, good boy!" Emma spoke into the ear of her stallion and stroked his mane. Emma took a deep breath. This was it. She turned her head to her two companions. "Ready to ride for true love?! Mulan smiled and glanced at Aurora to find that she was smiling at her too. They both blushed.

"Yahhhhhh!" Emma's horse sprinted and behind came the other two.

Emma's golden locks flowed through the wind and her green eyes sparkled. She smirked. This was it. This was it.


End file.
